Thursday, September 24, 2009

13 Signs a Women is a Loser

The term “loser” is usually applied in regards to men, since they are so easy to spot. They are portrayed in the media as nerds, bums, lazy, slovenly and oafish. In most cases (but not all) the male “loser” doesn’t make much money, or love.

It’s somewhat harder to identify a female loser. A women’s sense of style (which can provide camouflage) and sort of a lack of societal expectations when it comes to women making money can create the conditions such that a man, loser or not loser, can inadvertently find themselves in the company of female loser. This proximity to a loser chick can create the risk that she might bind on to the unsuspecting guy (marriage) such that his life is essentially shot.

So if a girl looks good, smells good and seems to be fun loving, how can a man tell that she is really a loser in disguise? I found this handy list on the internet, and based on my own experiences, it seems both credible and useful as sort of a field guide to these terrifying creatures. These are the 13 signs to look for:

1. Dirty-flirty double standard: She flirts with dudes in front of you, shamelessly. Then, she gets super mad and makes a scene if you so much as give a cute waitress your order. This one is bad because it makes it almost impossible to enjoy yourself in public with her.

2. She needs to do everything with you: It's one thing to share experiences, but it's another thing to need someone to hold your hand all the time. When it goes beyond wanting to spending time together to demanding it constantly, you have to wonder, what's her problem? “Jeez honey, your hand is really getting sweaty...can I have mine back?”

3. Party pooper: She's mopey when you're not giving her 100 percent of your attention. When you start having fun, she wants to leave. “So what do you have against me having fun?”

4. Sex as a weapon: Putting out is the bartering chip she's been using since her school days, but it's a cheap ploy. A clever woman who respects herself doesn't have to abuse her sexual power. Most men are willing to play this game, at least for a while, but always comes back to haunt.

5. Baby, I'm yours: She wants to have kids so she can stop working and mooch off you. Now who's the child? This usually has a permanent weight gain as part of the deal as well.

6. High-maintenance mama: She's constantly complaining and barking orders. Everyone around her rolls their eyes at her demands. Why doesn't she get off her duff and do it herself? Divas are born...not made.

7. Friend indeed: She forces you to show off to her lady friends with grand displays of obedience, love, and virility. But she never wants to hang out with you and your best bros. Why is it she expects people to think she's impressive when she never does anything to impress them? Well, she’s bossing you around isn’t she?

8. Parent trap: She blames her life's problems on her parents, yet she depends on them, a lot. “Diddy is so mean to me sometimes....I wanted a white BMW and got me this crappy Volvo.”

9. Social climber: She's always looking for someone richer to kiss up to. When it comes to making new friends, she's a total snob. This is the Darwinian component of loser chicks.

10. Beauty is only skin deep: She thinks she should be famous, but she hasn't done anything to warrant admiration besides look pretty. In my opinion, the most dangerous loser chick trait to the average dude. Let’s face it guys, we are a sucker for a pretty face and/or a hot body but one must look beyond such shallow things. (At least try...)

11. Eau de desperation: She reeks of needing a man, and she will stop at nothing to bag one. When she's single, her female friends even feel like they have to hide their boyfriends for fear she will try to pounce.

12. One-way street: You're constantly doing things for her, but, as Janet Jackson would put it, "What have you done for me lately?" If she's going to act like a princess, why doesn't she treat you like the prince of a gentleman you are?

13. Go fish: She's always looking for compliments. You have to constantly reassure her that she's amazing, but her response always seems to say: "I know." I had a girl friend once that literally wanted fresh flowers every day and that was just the beginning of her daily need for reinforcement. There are only so many types of flowers at the Harris Teeter, and there are only so many credible compliments that be created, such that these girls eventually go looking for a new man with a different source of flowers and fresh compliments.

I hope that none of you reading this have discovered you are either with a loser or are one. If so, perhaps things can change. HA!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

they pick Losers for men, and Losers will always attract other Losers.